Am I peeing?

Almost every day that I was pregnant, I was late to work, with horrible morning sickness – gagging or violent throwing up – and waking up earlier to allot myself “time to recover”, never made a difference. It also made no difference to my coworkers, or my boss. I was talked to several times about losing my job, and my boss at the time (who is a father himself) came to work with solutions I had already discovered – teas, preggy pops, waking up even earlier, crackers, yoga… you name it. I was baffled when he looked right at me and said “I’ve never worked with a woman before”. I was the only woman in my department, and I wanted to slap the living daylights out of every man in that office for such an idiot thing to say.

I worked hard, and pregnancy didn’t make it easy. Eventually the “men” I worked with left me out of meetings, and moved my desk over to the side two months prior to my due date.


Joke was on them. I got to happily sleep, while they worked, and I still got paid. Maybe that was my sympathy? Whatever it was, I decided not to stress in a male environment of idiocy.
*(Side Note: No, I don’t believe all men are idiots, however, I worked in a “mans world” type of place. If you’re a man reading this, please comfort your wife after a day at work, because even females can be complete bitches and make it hard emotionally for us to feel like we are still the same amazing powerful woman before pregnancy brain).
SOOO…. after accepting that I got to sleep, and got paid for it, I got to really enjoy the little life inside of me while he was moving and turning, and even got to feel him hiccup inside of me. My baby was the only person who made me feel like I was amazing while in such a toxic workplace. I got to close my eyes and just connect with my little human.

I remember walking around at work all day, a Monday, and my feet were so insanely swollen! By midday I had to call my boss and ask to please..Please…PLEASE… allow me to go home early, I really truly, honestly, couldn’t stand or let my legs continue hanging from my tall chair any longer.

During the recent weekend, my husband took us up to the mountains, it was beautiful, they’re always beautiful. We walked waddled around a little bit, he took me fishing, and we ate at an amazing BBQ restaurant. At the restaurant I jokingly said to my husband “what if this is my last meal?!” and we both laughed like it was a big fat joke.

When I got home on Monday, I was so relived to finally sit down and relax, and let my feet sit up. I ate nothing but salad with balsamic vinigar because I read it would help with moving the labor along! But I had been eating it all weekend, and nothing happened, I was just ready to get my baby out!! The sleep was terrible at this point, 39 weeks, and not to mention I popped out 3 ribs during pregnancy due to coughing too hard. Ohhh Relaxin!

My husband got home from work, and we had a lovely dinner with the fish we caught on our weekend. We both showered and finally laid in bed and my husband started drifting off. I got up to pee, and when I got off the toilet, I kept peeing. So I went back to sit down, it stopped, I got up, and then, suddenly like a leaking water bottle down my leg, I freaked out why I couldn’t stop peeing!

I told my husband “hun! hun!! wake up!! I don’t know if I’m peeing or if my water broke!”

He replied..verrrrry sleepily “you’re probably just peeing yourself..”

“BABE! I think my water is broken! I’m calling my mother!!”

to which he annoyingly said “nooooooo don’t call your mom, she talks too much!”

I wanted to laugh, and was offended all at once! And although my mother does talk a lot, I really needed her right now. She told me to call the doctor, I did, and it was confirmed for me to finally go to the doctor!

Here I am, feeling rushed, remembering what my mom also told me that this baby could be crowning at any moment! I remember trying to just think of what to do. I screamed at my husband to get out of bed! This is the moment!! I’m leaking all over the floor, not knowing if I should get on a different outfit? change underwear? grab my bags? go sit back on the toilet while my husband was also excitedly and nervously rushing around. To be honest all I remember was grabbing my bags (LOL). I rode to the hospital while sitting on a towel. The checked my fluid, and then I was admitted into my room. Honesty here – I don’t really remember much of what happened, except that I wasn’t having my baby that night, and I was on watch until I had contractions.

Later that Tuesday afternoon, I still wasn’t feeling contractions, and was given a medication to help move them along. The time came where I started getting them, it sucked, so I decided to get an epidural. That was the worst thing I ever felt in my life, May 2018, was an epidural. The nurse literally looked at me while I was bawling my eyes out and snot was dripping from my nose (I have a huge fear of needles), and said in a very annoyed Australian accent…

“My god! You look like a leaky faucet!”

Yeah that was so pleasant to hear, I laugh to myself thinking about it bc it was so blunt, and true, and yet also not very helpful.
I couldn’t feel any of my lower body. I felt so heavy, and numb. It was now 24 hrs after being admitted, and I wasn’t having heavy enough contractions. I was given another contraction pill, fell asleep, and about 1 am on a Wednesday morning even with an epidural, I could still feel the contractions and these contractions were really really strong. (a 36 hour labor) I was ready for this baby! I had to wait till I was dilated enough, and around 3-4am I was forced to roll over on my hospital bed with my butt in the air, and a peanut shaped blowup ball and move this way and that way to help move the baby around. TBH – I felt so awkward, and in so much pain.

*(SideNote: The only good that came from having an Epidural and a baby, with strong contractions was when in February of 2019 I had a freak accident (about 16 weeks ago to date), and broke both bones in my leg just above my ankle, and severely twisted my other. I was screaming bloody murder, and I had to force myself to calm down, thanking God with everything the baby was safely in his crib. I called my husband, elevated my legs in the air, called 911, and pulled myself on my back across the floor to get to the door screaming “I’m here!” to the Emergency Response Team. They kept trying to give me phentynal, I declined, and it was amazing to see my body awesomely kick into gear with endorphins and adrenaline for an hour, I held my leg all the way to the hospital with no pain killers….)

I had my husband continually giving me water or helping to hold my leg when I had to push, while another nurse was giving me oxygen, I felt completely overwhelmed while pushing, over heated, closterphobic, and pushing and pushing and pushing, as the baby kept swooshing back in. I begged the doctor to please just take the baby out.

Then the nurse looked at me and said “We got this! Growl like a Bear and PUSH!”


And my handsome son Sebastian was finally out in the world, laid on my body, so sweetly and so tiny. The best kept secret was his gender until he was born! Then after allowing the umbilical cord to continually nourish the baby after birthing, my husband took the honors of cutting his cord. We let Sebastian suckle. And everything else was magical….

…. After I got to sleep.


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